Heart Attack

May isa ka tigulang nga nag daog sa lotto. Una nakabalo iya kabataan pero kumo may heart problem ila iloy nahadlok sila magpabalo so nag desider sila mangita bulig.

Nagpalapit sila sa abogado para sya pasugiron sa ila iloy nga nagdaog sya pero nag pamalibad ini kay basi sya pa kuno basulon.

Ti nagpalapit sila sa pari kag nagsugot ini.

Nag kadto ang pari sa ila balay kag nag istorya sa ila iloy;

PARI:
Chay kung nag daog ka bi sa lotto 100K anhon mo ni?

CHAY:
Simple man lang ya gusto ko nga pangabuhi kag blessing man ina ti tungaon ko sa apat, tag 25K kami 3 sang duwa ko ka bata dasun ang bilin sa simbahan.

PARI:
Baw mayo kay wala ka gid gakalipat sa simbahan; Pano bi chay kung 1 Million imo daog?

CHAY:
Baw kadako na sina tungaon ko man dyapun sa apat, tag 250K kami 3 sang duwa ko ka bata dasun ang bilin sa simbahan.



Gin kaptan sang pari ang kamot ni chay, "Kaloy-an ka gid chay" Dala check sang pulso ni chay kung ok pa, tungod ok lang man si chay nag disider si father nga last nalang nga pamangkot hambalon nya na si chay nga nagdaog sya 200 million.


PARI:
T chay kung nag daog ka b 100 million?

CHAY:
Baw father dako na gid na kaayo nga blessing, pero mahawid lang ko 1million para sa akon kag sa duwa ko ka bata tapos tanan ihatag ko na sa simbahan.



GIN HEART ATTACH ANG PARI!

Just For Laughs

One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper's house drinking beer. They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.

The snail said, "I'd go, but I'm kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go."

The grasshopper said, "I don't mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we'll get sprayed every time we open one."
So they decided to send the centipede; and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.

An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn't returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him. They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.

Kape? Kape? Kape sir?

Pulis: bigyan mo nga kami ng kape bilis magbabayad kami.

May-ari: kape sir? magbabayad kayo?

Pulis: Oo nga! Bilis bigyan mo kami ng kape.

May-ari: Redford dalawang kape nga para kila kapitan! Huwag mo duraan at magbabayad daw!

Hehehehe

Bob Famoso

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,"Geez Bob, you picked up a real witch this time."

YOU ARE OLD WHEN.......

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today

"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are not sure these are jokes .

Logically Funny

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister
Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister
Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still
far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has
been following us for
The past thirty-eight and a half
minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach
us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of
course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man
did the only
logical thing. He started to walk
faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate
he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is
split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us
both.

So the man decided to follow Sister
Logical.



Sister Mathematical arrives at the
convent and is
worried about what has happened to
Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are
here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he
followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I
started to run
as fast as I could and he started to
run as fast as he cou ld.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He
reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do
He pulled down his pants.



SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man
with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it
would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!